I got a new computer game — the coolest one I’ve seen. My life will never be the same, if you know what I mean. It comes with special goggles, which fit right over your eyes, And super motion sensors for your lips and hips and thighs.   And quadraphonic speakers that you stick inside […]

Deep inside the ocean, deep inside the sea, A vicious barracuda is now trying to get me. He won’t get me in the water, or when I’m near the shore, Instead he’s got an evil plan that’s full of pain and horror.   He’ll wait until one night, when the stars are bright and fine, […]

The toughest creature every made, Is the one they call the tardigrade. It really isn’t very rare, But it is strong beyond compare. Some folks call it a water bear, But the water bear…it just don’t care.   The tardigrade is super tough, Do what you will… it ain’t enough. It’s hard as nails, with […]

Part I: Martian Girls They say Martian girls, Grow bright purple curls, From all twenty-nine of their scalps.   They have half a nose, On each of their toes, And yodel like they’re in the Alps.   They’ve two orange teeth, With scales underneath, Their spit’s made of tar, black and thick.   So if you should kiss, A young Martian […]

Oh Buffalo’s a New York city, where it often snows, And “buffaloes” are bison, as everybody knows. “To buffalo” means “to bully,” which really is quite mean. When buffalo buffalo buffalo, it’s often quite a scene.   Now the buffaloes that come from Buffalo, are usually immense, So when a Buffalo buffalo buffalos, it can […]

(to the tune of: Sing a Song of Sixpence) Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye, There are many things you shouldn’t bake into a pie. Don’t make pies with blackbirds, Don’t stick your thumb in, please. For goodness sake, don’t try to bake, It with nine day old peas.   In […]

Says the mother to the daughter: “Are you feeling well?” “gr8” the daughter sez, “rotfl.” “Then tell me,” says the mother. “When can you talk to me?” “idk.”  the daughter txts, “cu brb.” “My daughter hates me,” says the mother, crying quietly. “omg,”  the daughter sez,  “ilu ofc.” “Thank you.” says the mother. “You know, […]

Willy’s first experiment, was to see if he could taste, The difference in one hundred jars of kindergarten paste. In second grade, when other kids put art supplies in rows, Will experimented putting crayons up his nose. In third grade, on the black top, where the kids all ran around, Will tried walking backwards with […]

Out on the big savanna, Inside a little cave, There lived Vernon the lion, who just wasn’t very brave.   Giraffes quite often scared him, Baboons and peacocks too. He couldn’t face an antelope, a warthog, or a gnu.   Vern never hunted zebras, And never tried to feast, On a gazelle or ostrich, or […]